I got a text message today from someone I either don't know or someone I do know who has a new mobile phone number and they've forgotten to tell me, anyway here is the text they sent me, I thought it was funny so I thought I'd share, don't kick me if it's old to you.   Larry La Prise the man who wrote the 'Hokey Cokey' has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in... then the trouble started                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                             

thanks kwakthats funny!!                                                                                                                                                                             

  I'm glad it made ya laugh, it's good to laugh init?   Ha ha ha He he he I'm the laughing gnome And ya can't catch me                                                                                                                                                                              

ive heard it b4 but youve kickstarted me into fit's here!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

  I shoplifted a joint of meat from the supermarket, the security guy yelled at me "Hey, what are you doing with that?"   I yelled back at him "mash, carrots, peas and gravy, ya nosey git!"                                                                                                                                                                                  

  Q. What did the bald man say when he got a hair comb for Christmas?   A. "Thanks, I'll never part with it"   ===========   Child: "Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?"   Mum: "No!, you can have turkey like everyone else"                                                                                                                                                                                   

Kwak, Has someone been opening the crackers early????? lol                                                                                                                                                                             

      How very dare you! B G     Nope  just rifling thro the kiddies section of the joke site                                                                                                                                                                               

I got sent this by email at work the other day   Upgrade Dear Tech Support ... Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 ...  and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5. and then installed undesirable programs such as Match Of the Day 5.0, Top Gear 4.3, Babestation 3.0, and Sky Sports 3.6.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.What can I do?  Signed,Desperate  Reply from the Technical Side:  Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while husband 1.0 is an Operating System.Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME' to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0.If that application works as designed Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. BUT remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Tech Support                                                                                                                                                                             

nerd's will love it!!you a nerd middly?                                                                                                                                                                             

Definately not TM - anything with adrenaline for me he he!   It just made me giggle all day - one of the girls in the office has just got married and sent it round to us all.                                                                                                                                                                             

Old married couple lying in bed. Wife "Have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Husband stutters "Nno, never." Wife says "Come on you can tell me now." Husband "Well yes once, but it was years ago." Wife "I could do with that one right now."                                                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                              

  Steve, I don't understand the joke you posted, I know I have my 'blonde' moments but I don't think this is one of 'em   Have you missed something out or am I just misisng the point?                                                                                                                                                                              

Kwak... how dare you post jokes about people with no hair.. you know how sensative i get about the subject....LOL                                                                                                                                                                             

Skins, GOD MADE A FEW PERFECT HEADS, THE REST HE COVERED IN HAIR!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                             

I love your jokes kwak have you got any more? If you have keep them coming                                                                                                                                                                             

  Aww Skins no I DIDN'T know you are sensitive about your baldness, I didn't know you were bald, I thought it was shaved. I apologise for causing offence     now STFU and quit telling everyone I ORGANISE events       ======== Lol Jack I'll try but most jokes on the net have been around a thousand years.