Duno, i haven't got a watch.                                                                                                                                                                             

That Hedgehog thinks Frank the spider is dinner, wonder if they taste like chicken.                                                                                                                                                                              

yeah, and everyone can have a leg!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Colin Colin Colin, don't do it.                                                                                                                                                                             

Do the shake n vac.                                                                                                                                                                             

Applied for a job as a ships gigolo but the post was already taken, So you are now looking at the new ships cat.                                                                                                                                                                             

actdaft, you're bloody mental. Can I book you for the Autumn Camp; lol.                                                                                                                                                                             

Watched this dvd the other day, didn't much like it so i turned it off, Anyway i've decided to bulid a full scale replica of H.M.S Victory out of spaghetti.                                                                                                                                                                             

This woman asked me the other day if i would be interested in adoption, so i said yes i would like to adopt a coach load of thai ladies from the ages of 18 to 22. She didn't think that it was legal somehow. Might be a good job really, think they would all get together and plot to kill mi.

How do you get the foot off a snail, does it just peel off or do you have to chew it off.                                                                                                                                                                             

Act daft, you really need to see someone mate.
Brilliant
keep it up                                                                                                                                                                              

Was due to be sectioned but by the time i got to the hossy the ward had shut down, bloody cut backs.
                                                                                                                                                                             

Sorry birds i forgot it was international womans day yesterday.   Do you really need a day off, mi shirts won't iron themselves and i'm feeling a bit peckinsh so be a dear and make us a sandwich doll face.   I will come out and help you build the new wall after i've watched Jeremy Kyle's lie ditector results they don't know who the fatha is and i've got a qwid on Butch the bull dog, she shouldn't have bent over in the kitchen, he was in and out like a rat up an aqueduct,  the horny little bugger.                                                                                                                                                                             

Watched a programme last night about phone sex chat lines a very interesting programme i thought and maybe a way to earn a bit of extra cash. I've been walking round the house practising my pruple rinse granny voice, so i am now incognito as Mable a 68 year old thats looking for a hot, buff young stud to take her roughly up the hairdressers.

what's the number for gettin to the hairdressers, or there abouts?                                                                                                                                                                             

Went to the hospital for a penis reduction operation, told them to take a foot off. going to sue them now cos i can only buy one shoe.   Well this is me done so i will leave you.   I once shagged a fat bird, by the time i got there i ran out of cock.   tat tar.                                                                                                                                                                             

shoulda kept the extra foot then!                                                                                                                                                                             

The egg and the chicken are lying in bed. The chicken is lying back with a smug look on its face while the egg has a look of annoyance on its face. “Well then,” the egg grumbles, “I guess we now know the answer to which one of us comes first.”

Actdaft I haven't laughed so hard for ages!

Thank you                                                                                                                                                                              

Actdaft where do you find these gags, you bring a smile to lots of peoples faces Ta