Aries (March 21 - April 19) Today you will discover a hair growing in an odd place. Don't worry about it, unless the odd place is your eye.   Taurus (April 20 - May 20) A man with a mystical yet somehow tortured expression will stop you on the street, today, and ask you for a name brand of prepared mustard. If you carry a jar with you, and surprise him, you will make his life seem worthwhile.   Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Good day to doodle.   Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Your neighbors will have a wild party, which you'll catch glimpses of through the open window. You'll know you shouldn't watch, but it's just hard to imagine how people can do that, especially on a trampoline.   Leo (July 23 - August 22) Bad day to call someone a "whiney gen-x cybercowboy." Tomorrow's better, for that one.   Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You'll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.   Libra (September 23 - October 22) An apple a day will keep the doctor away. Another tip you should consider: fresh figs can be used to avoid plumbers.   Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) A very pale young woman wielding a broadsword will approach you today to ask if you'd like your carnations pruned. Be nice and say yes. Reincarnation is tough on some people.   Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged.   Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.   Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?   Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Your neighbors will have a wild party, which you'll catch glimpses of through the open window. You'll know you shouldn't watch, but it's just hard to imagine how people can do that, especially on a trampoline.                                                                                                                                                                              

pisces & cancer have the same h/scope                                                                                                                                                                              

I know, I think all Pisceians should marry all Cancarians, just to be on the safe side                                                                                                                                                                                

will squirrels do instead of hamsters                                                                                                                                                                               

Got any leeches for this..... (Hmmmm no flasher mac icon, damn )