was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left on the fence?" "None" replied Johnny, "cos the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said "I have a question for you now.  If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop.... one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No" said little Johnny "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."                                                                                                                                                                             

lol!!

One day teacher notices little Johnny at the back of the class with his hand down his pants.

"Stop that Johnny, it's dirty", says the teacher.

"But I hurt down there Miss", answers the boy.

"In that case, go see the school nurse right away"

With that little Johnny gets up from his desk and leaves the classroom.

Ten minutes later he returns, enters the classroom and goes to the back to his desk.  However, as he passes her by, the teacher notices that now he has his willy hanging out from his fly!!

Immediately she follows him down to his desk.  "Johnny!!", she exclaims, "put that thing away right now you dirty little boy!"

"But Miss," answers Johnny, "my Mum says that she'll come and pick me up at lunchtime, if I can stick it out until then!!"                                                                                                                                                                              

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"                                                                                                                                                                              

this thread could go on forever.....lol Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?" "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really , I've got nothing left to live for!"                                                                                                                                                                              

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mum, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mummy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's clever and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mummy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mummys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Lol Smokey not heard that one before                                                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                             

An old one I know

Potentially VS. Reality

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help.

"Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid. Then go ask you sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid. Then come back and tell me what you have learned."

Little Johnny is puzzled but decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone would give you a million quid, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

His mother looks around shyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million quid, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

Little Johnny goes back to his father who asks, "Well, what did you learn?"

Little Johnny says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. POTENTIALLY, we're sitting on two million quid, but in REALITY, we're living with a couple of tarts."


                                                                                                                                                                             

lol