you little green eco warrior you mwah x                                                                                                                                                                              

well my 4x4s green                                                                                                                                                                             

The ASDA Greeter A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a  Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side) with  her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam, 'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'                                                                                                                                                                             

Two Pakistani women talking on a bus. One says to the other  "I'm fitting in here very quickly. I've only been in England six months and I can already speak Polish"                                                                                                                                                                             

and not too far off the mark.                                                                                                                                                                             

Alfie Patten has joined the group Fathers for justice In an interview, the 15 year old said "it makes sence as I already have a spiderman outfit"                                                                                                                                                                             

Opps that should be 13 year old can a Mod sort it please Or in 2 years it will make sence                                                                                                                                                                             

A two year sentence just for owning a spiderman outfit seems a tad harsh!                                                                                                                                                                             

Will Alfie's dad have to pay double maintaince now to cover Alfies nipper   I see a judge has said the blood tests will be confidential as the parents are only children and need to be protected so they can lead normal lives. Maybe should have thoought of that befor selling story to the media. Just a thought