Here are some excuses some folk used when calling work to say they weren't going in.    1 "I'm too drunk to drive to work." 2 "I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet." 3  "I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.) 4  "I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened." 5 "My boyfriend's snake escaped from its cage and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home." 6 "I'm too fat to get into my work outfit." 7  "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor." 8  "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."   9   "I forgot I was getting married today."   10  "My cow bit me."   11 "My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our garden. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."   12   "I was walking down the street watching road works being done, fell in the hole and hurt myself."   13 "I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back." 14 "My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in." PML @ numbers 9 and 13, cracked me up What excuse(s) have you used?                                                                                                                                                                             

Kwak, I've not used any of those myself but I did get a call from my boss and she'd got herself stuck with No. 14!   Needless to say once she got into work we took the p**s summat rotten                                                                                                                                                                              

The cow bit me.    haha i could use that                                                                                                                                                                               

  Now I think about it I remember one day I was locking my front door and the handle fell off which meant I couldn't lock the door, cost me £15, which was the call-out fee for the locksmith, he let me off the labour charges. That was one expensive door handle lol                                                                                                                                                                              

I had a member of staff ring me once to say the previous night her budgie had fallen off his perch and broken his leg.  Cos it was late at night she couldn`t take it to a vets so had used a match as a splint and taped his little leg up.  The next morning she`d come down to find her kids screaming and the budgie in ashes.  Her excuse for not coming into work was that the budgie must have fallen off his perch in the night and the sulphur from the match had struck the sandpaper on the bottom of the cage hence she had to console her kids and go out to buy a new budgie!!                                                                                                                                                                             

  Sorry Claire, budgie and kids but....   ROFLMHO                                                                                                                                                                             

how about ,  IF I COME INTO WORK TODAY I COULD GET A HEAD ACHE SO IM TAKEING THE DAY OFF .                                                                                                                                                                             

How about i hate going to work,boss is a total twat and sod you i am getting another job.so sod you and good bye.                                                                                                                                                                             

years ago a friend rang in work and said the cat had been run over so she couldnt come to work. Another excuse was she had had a miscariage on the bus, but expected to be in tomorrow.                                                                                                                                                                              

A colleague once rang in to say that she'd no dry knickers as they'd only just come out of the washing machine. But she really wanted to come into work, so she'd tried to dry them out quickly under the grill - and burnt them to cinders! That story follows he round to this day...

  Moral to that story, be sure you can live with your excuse lol                                                                                                                                                                              

One of my lads must be the unluckiest person going, he has been of work for at least three grandads dying ( one of which lived in Spain, hence the tan when he came back), grandmas aunts uncles have also passed away in abundance, i feel sorry for him im sure he really wants to work???????? I bet hes not even got a black suit, ah yer gotta laf aint yer just. boomboom                                                                                                                                                                             

I wouldnt go to work if my cat had been run over either!                                                                                                                                                                              

If you need a break Matt, I have the use of some heavy airfield vehicles.  Swift too so there would be little pain for the cat.                                                                                                                                                                             

rube, your sick I've had to use number 14!   how about, i cant come into work the plankton parents have parked accross my drive again whilst they drop there their snivelling, mewling little spoilt brats off at school and had the obligatory 30 minute whine with other parents!   Oh and this morning ............ sorry i turned the house upside down looking for my  bike keys, but i found them under the bike cover still in the ignition                                                                                                                                                                              

do i still need an excuse if i am the boss....lol                                                                                                                                                                             

  Yes!! even more so lol                                                                                                                                                                             

does taking your great grandmother in for an abortion sound feeseable? me and a work colleage are trying to come up with some new 1s that the boss hasn't heard yet. any more good ideas please                                                                                                                                                                             

yea i think u might struggle with that one, unless all the ladies in the family had children at 10 years old                                                                                                                                                                              

does taking your great grandmother in for an abortion sound feeseable?   PML not really but it's worth it for the giggle it will raise.