totally agree with rce. my missus went of with a friend of ours three years ago. she's now decided the grass wernt that green. we are still good mates and go out to gigs etc. BUT, its really difficult to forgive after so long. like you say, you have to be up front and not hide the facts. 

for an "intelligent " species,
we do tend to hurt folk we propos idly liked
(admittedly, some folk`s feelings change over time)

but I just don`t get the cheating thing?
yes there are circumstances, yes we do not really know, and there are"2usually" 3 sides to every story,
each "partners" and the truth somewhere in the middle.

but my basic premise is:
if you don't love some one enough to stay with them and be honourable, then move on and be truth full,
and if you do love them, and still think its ok to cheat, then `im not in the same world as you, so you have no space in my life.

and I still get the shift key wrong when trying to do

"""""""

men are stupid. rule#1                                                                                                                                                                             

truth is to be good at cheating you have to be....

  1}A good liar.......i,m rubbish at that lark , i always laugh when i,m telling a porky my eyes give me away and theyre only little white lies!!

2}A non believer in Karma.....cos it always comes back and bites you on the bum, what goes around comes around.....and  i live my life by Karma, so second strike,...
and finally

3) someone with absolutely no integrity whatsoever , who has no respect for themselves, so why would they have any for anyone else?

So yes folks we are usually talking , pure unadulterated scumbags

ok rant over x

                                                                                                                                                                             

as i have learned the hard way whether you want to or not you CANT stay friends with your ex if they cheated because it will always be there in the background even as friends. And really why would you want to stay friends with someone whos clearly got no integrity or conscience....thats not a nice person

I have to agree with kwakgirl, I couldnt even be bothered to acknowledge the existance of my ex on the couple of occasions I encountered her, let alone be civil and friendly.                                                                                                                                                                             

What I always say is hating takes far too much energy and I do believe that having too much hate inside makes you bitter.... I have seen some really bad break ups , friends and friends of friends who have slung more shit at each other in public than a dung spreader and after a while it is just sad and bitter.. especially when kids are used as weapons..... when that happens I just think that the kid looses out... where they are concerned both should think of them regardless of how the relationship ends cheating or otherwise.... anyone who uses a child to get back at an ex is in my mind just a waste of space similarly and ex who doesn't think of his or her kids after a split up are the same and don't realise what they are missing out on...

I can be civil with my Ex's LOL, in the end if they love you and you love them then they would not be a Ex. But people can change and what they want can change, once that happens things change and you all move on.
As for Kids, Hum yes they are not always treated right :( and I know this as I am a single dad with my daughter living with me full time and her mother has not seen her in over 12 years and dose not want to see her, even when my daughter asked :(                                                                                                                                                                             

Interesting thread that I've just stumbled upon ....I admire everyone who can stay friends after with someone who has cheated on them ... i couldn't mine ...  did it to me while i was in hospital having 1st ever chemo ....so i got rid .... mind you we had no kids together and that does make a huge difference -sometimes you have to bite the bullet for the sake of your kids - even if the other party wants to be a prat ..... all you be is you at the end of the day .... i'm a frim beleive in waht goes around comes around .. my cheating ex?? well . .i beleive he's now living in a bedsit, with his rcord collectio n...ermmm  ..... on his own ....... !!! so whatever it was he thought was greeener on the other side of the fence - obviously wasn't ..... !! hey ho!!! best wishes to everyone who's struggling with this at the moment - it can really dent your confidence and self esteem .... it wasn't 'til i joined here that i realised that there are nice genuine people in the world - Thank you BM! I decided to chill and not actively looking for a partner now - if it happens it happens - if not . .i've got my doggie ... he never lets me down!  Ride safe peeps! Dawn                                                                                                                                                                              

totally agree folks, don't mess when you're with someone......it's not nice and it's not clever                                                                                                                                                                               

why cheat, why no be happy with the one your with, I was with my ex 20 years, never once thought about straying, until she left me an the wean, no cheating tho just drifted apart,,,,,                                                                                                                                                                              

I am with zzr on this it stinks on both sides ,blokes an woman do it get a life ,biker site too have a laff an chat ??? I you meet some1 fine as long as yr single an not hurtin any1                                                                                                                                                                              

I was "replaced" by my fiancé whilst I was away having treatment. All the time I was receiving comforting messages she was lining up the next one. Then, I was simply replaced.

The deception plan was immense, and involved her family and friends. Not a single thought or concern for me, I was just damaged goods and disposed of.

When I asked why, she simply replied, "How did you find out?"

Trust is something I value over love, and now after 2 years of a worthless relationship it will be very hard to trust to that level again. I am hoping to be proven wrong.

lifes a bitch & as the cheating women say go suck lemons all that says to me in my mine is u not got the balls to tell the truth as i found out yrs ago & i will never trust a woman again as long as i live & up to now all the woman i've have knowed have been great goddess's of this world but none of them could fix my broken & shattered heart  they say times a great healer but time never stops so looks like i will just keep on rocking & rolling ducking & diving come & get me lemon heads                                                                                                                                                                              

My last one did it to me...Kept me going until she said "Yes". Then I had to find out on FACEBOOK he had started a relationship with her. Without finishing with me first. Oh the lies! The pain! The tears! Still hurts. Anyway he's her problem now. Especially when he said he had never stopped wanting me. Confused.com.    Never been unfaithful in my life. Would never be. If my eyes start to wander it's time to leave as the rest will surely follow. Onwards and Upwards.                                                                                                                                                                              

I'm feeling compelled to jump in here, and say that I agree with ZZR and most of the other posts in that if you aren't getting enough out of the relationship you are in, then you either have to talk it through with your partner, or end it and move on. Relationships are supposed to be about love and support, not about hurt and dishonesty...