i done an aircraft carrier landing on my head   i was not watching where i was going and failed to knotice the trafick had stoped  right in front of me was a flat bed 40 foot lorry  i slamed into the back and fle over the handlebars   slid the length of the lorry and hit the headbord ina crumpled mess   to my amasement the lorry driver gave me a lift to the hospital and picked up my bike to                                                                                                                                                                              

Wrote this not long back on Ciao Few snippets from when I was instructing   http://www.ciao.co.uk/Essays__Review_5956792                                                                                                                                                                             

nice one bigclive Sometimes its easy to laugh when you think back. I hope you weren't badly hurt.   It was nice of the lorry driver.   I had an accident once where a car driver left me stranded in the middile of nowhere with a broken bike and an injured leg. Although it was partly my fault, I was not impressed as all he worried about was a little dent in his bumper and getting my details.                                                                                                                                                                             

tcat     A lot to read but worth while. Some a bit cheaky but wouldn't have minded being a fly on the wall.   When my son done his CBT in went along to pay the fee then watched some of road training. There was a young woman there who had failed her last CBT because she kept falling off. This was her second attempt and she fell off while I was watching her do a left turn inder slow speed control. I then left them to it. I asked my son later how it went and he said great he had the bit of paper. But he told me thet the girl had fallen off again and was sent home. She told him that she was going for the DAT with the view to getting a fire blade but so far had not reached the open road. I found that a bit worrying.                                                                                                                                                                             

broken collar bone   fingers smashed on left hand and squished balls bike was a right off the joy of dispatch riding                                                                                                                                                                               

wow that smarts! The last one makes my eyes water thinking about it.   Are you still dispatch riding?                                                                                                                                                                             

To keep this light hearted...
Riding my old trail bike home got pulled into a defunct petrol station."Spot check "says the spotty faced copper.
"Please step off your bike."
"no, I can't"
"why not?" Suspiciously
"no stand, the bike will fall over"
"ah ha! " after a good five minutes referring to his little book he realises this isn't isn't an offense.
"Please get on your bike and indicate to turn left"
So I put on my lid, sit on the bike, and stick my left ARM out.......it went a bit down hill after that...

gave up dispatch 20 yrs ago   to meny miles to make a living most i ever done in a week  was 7000 it was nearly the end of me no i pased my m o d welding cert and went back to welding for a living                                                                                                                                                                              

gave up dispatch 20 yrs ago   to meny miles to make a living most i ever done in a week  was 7000 it was nearly the end of me no i pased my m o d welding cert and went back to welding for a living                                                                                                                                                                              

7000 a week thats like one major service. Expensive, hope it wasn't you own bike! I started off as a pipe fitter welder gas and arc. But I gave that up 40 years ago. I can still stick metal together but I doubt I will pass a test!                                                                                                                                                                              

 My best time with bikes was passing my test, many moons ago, two days before I got my HGV/PSV, (I failed em both the first go).  Worst time was a my only crash on a 'road' bike, (a new XL1000), when a new driver did a 3-pointer 30' after a blind bend in a 60 limit.  And the funniest,.. apparently, but not quite from my point of view, was getting it all wrong trying to load our 600 Grizzly into the back of my pick-up, with a dead motor! 3 folks pushing, me in the middle and one of the ramps bent, the other two abandoned the pushing and it rolled backwards,.. straight over,.. or rather, onto me! After mucho swearing, (and making it leak petrol and settle on me even more), they finally rolled it over sideways.                                                                                                                                                                                

one hot sunny day i parked up on a newly resurfaced road to go in a shop. when i came out the stand had sunk into the tarmac and the bike was welded to the road. took 5 workmen to unstick it and haul it up!                                                                                                                                                                             

Fantastic.
I can see that in my head now!!!

G                                                                                                                                                                             

Nice one Paj1369 there are times when a video camera would have been handy:-                   1. For the accident to get them nicked.                   2. Getting your bike on the truck for youve been framed and get yourself £200. shortarse I bet that made a mess of the paintwork. I have seen that happen to a whole row of bikes!                                                                                                                                                                             

LOL @ ^^^^

Makes me seem almost normal... Note to self don't make an arse of urself on southport pier by dropping the bike and don't gawp at a cut bloke in a brand new vw golf when u've got a false neutral going round a corner-almost ended up on his knee but the slowmo of him screaming like a girl as I realised I was almost in his door was rather hilarious.... As was my mates face as he pulled in and flagged me down to see if I was ok... Almost pissed myself laughing!

Bloody blokes lol

mizzi Was that you or someone else. The things a girl will do to sit on a guys knee                                                                                                                                                                             

My funniest experience so far while on my bike... Near to the final approach on the recent BSB Brands Hatch, I was with friends, with another 3 bikers in front us, in front of them a Police car. I thought whoever was driving the car was being ‘generous’ by letting us all riding at 38 mph within a 30 zone. But what happened next was utterly amazing. A female on a bike which was far to big for her, comes past us all AND the Police car! 3 guesses what happened next! She was obviously with company as her mate didn’t stop and passed by her when she got pulled over and raised his left arm and waved her goodbye. Hilarious.                                                                                                                                                                              

we used to knock around the factories at night as kids and try and get a chase off security. Anyway, we couldn't beleive our luck, someone had left their puch maxi at one of the factories we used to borrow this and put it back every night after we had our fun. Our fun consisted of one of us sitting on the helmet box on the back ( used to have to hold on to the top of riders head to hold on it was that high up) and one of us riding it while the others  chasing us and trying to knock us off, all good fun as a kid, but one night security turned up and gave chase and they didn't mess about if caught. I was on the helmet box and nutter of a mate riding, the only way out was race to the bottom of the factores dump the bike and jump the dyke and away across the fields, always a winner. anyway getting chased by security brings adrenilin, my mates races to the dyke but hit the kerb, being high up and having not much to hang onto, i go arse over tit and stright into the dyke. Securuty just sat there and cried with laughter!
                                                                                                                                                                             

In the days of being a learner on a bike, I was out in town with my mate following me. I had no indicators so hand signals were the option of the day and as I stuck my left arm out I nearly hit a cyclist of his bike. Lesson of the day.... do more life savers, lol.

Resurrected topic 

How to impress a lady on your first ride out together.

To get my FJR out of a back garden gate, which also involved rolling it down a plank to negotiate the step. I first had to turn it around in a limited space. I couldn't quite get the bike in line with the gate, but I thought on full lock I would clear the gate post. Wrong. So lets pull the bike back and take another swing at it. Wrong. I now had a step stopping the back wheel from moving back and a gate post stopping me going forward. With a bike weighing 285 kg it aint easy. But with the help from a very strong woman and a lot of tugging and pushing, puffying and wheezing, the bike was final out and our ride out could start.