I have had loads but there are a couple that will stay with me forever.   During the '80's, I used to go clubbing about 4-5 times a week and loved it.   I had this spectacular all in one cat suit, a little strappy affair WOW   I was ripping up the dance floor at a city club and a girl tapped me on the shoulder and told me that the back of my outfit was ripped across the back from one side to the other. it looked lick someone had taken a stanley knife to it, but me being me, I assked the nearest guy on the dance floor if I could borrow his jacket and I continued to boogie the night away.   A little later, my outfit just didn't feel right.  It felt loose and no longer figger hugging.  I needed the loo, so took this opportunity to check out my attire.  To my horror, my outfit had split from one knee to the other and the entire gusset area was GONE.   At this point I went home.  I did return the guys jacket before leaving.                                                                                                                                                                              

Oh, I could get myself into so much trouble on this thread, but my mouth is firmly shut                                                                                                                                                                              

That'l be a first RC lol

                                                                                                                                                                             

see told you Rude second name RC    and mine to RC  firmly lol                                                                                                                                                                             

After a crimbo night out, bus returned a group of us back into town. Everything was closed. No loos...eek! We found a nice dark car park and all scattered in various directions to, erm, answer the call of nature.

I found a nice dark area and proceeded...as you do.

Only my ex decided to wander a bit further and managed to trigger a security light.....supposing an x had been painted on the ground, i couldnt have been in a worse spot! Stage centre! I had to live for years with comments about the 'full moon' that night!

Was he already your ex then, or did he become your ex as a result?                                                                                                                                                                             

I went for a night out with my partner and we were a bit frisky on the way home and headed for a dark secluded car park as we were in the car that night.  It wasn't until we'd fulfilled our needs I realised that my foot or something had triggered the hazzard lights and the car was lit up like a beacon saying "look at us"!

lol   When I had my first daughter a got her all ready put her in her pram and went down to the shops got all my messages and then walked up the road  we stayed with my father in law at the time and when a went in he put the kettle on and we were just chat,n  then he said is the wee one not due a bottle?  and a just bolted out the house a had left her outside the shop   we stayed in a small village so luckaly she was still there

MH!  What are you like?   I had a crappy Astra when I first had my eldest daughter and you couldn't open the driver's door from the outside, but I forgot that when I got out at Tesco's one day when she was a few weeks old and realised she was locked in the car.  I had to run into a packed shop and ring 999 and ask for the fire brigade to come and rescue her for me - much to the amusement of everyone in Tesco's cafe who sat watching all these burly firemen trying to break into a very secure Astra.  My daughter slept through it all of course                                                                                                                                                                              

June 20th 2007 the Ex wife's Birthday...She'd always had this fanatsy of having dinner served by a bloke in white cuffs and Bow tie etc (u can imagine the rest)..the Kinda get-up the stripper guys wear.. so i finished work early got dressed up, cooked a nice candle lit dinner, wine,  the works, pulled the blinds and waited for her to arrive, for her surprise....i heard the front door go so took the appropriate pose for her entry and.....in walks the mother-in-law..............omg..........I died there n then...she smiled, and looked me up n down, then as she turned to leave she said "Now I can see why she married you!" She always hated me up to that point....lol                                                                                                                                                                             

Tichy by name but not by nature then lol                                                                                                                                                                              

lmao @ Tichy                                                                                                                                                                                

MH, been there, done that. Took the first-born out in his pram to give she who insisted on being obeyed some peace and quiet, and to post a letter.
Got back home. 
"Where's Alex?????"
Oh dear (or something like) Leg it back to the Post Office and there's the pram complete with baby and a clutch of women giggling and cooing over him saying how gorgeous he was.
They still do that, and he's 20 now (but no longer in a pram). Takes after his dad                                                                                                                                                                             

Discovering the cctv in Aberdeen had speakers,a few years ago getting down to business with a nice young lady about 3.00am ,nice dark doorway,tho not dark enough apparently, and getting instructions to 'stop doing that, move on',dunno who was embarrassed more her or me.Amazing how things 'shrink', Well it was either cctv ops or the voice of god,very confusing aswell after a Tequila marathon.                                                                                                                                                                             

I was on my first "big" bike in the 80's (XS1100) and rode to the head of a queue of traffic.
Stopped at the traffic lights and put my foot down......straight into a huge pothole.
The bike slowly tilted to the right...... and kept going.

Guess who looks where he puts his feet down now
                                                                                                                                                                             

At the end of the 70s we put a sidecar on our BSA A7. It was a right pig of a thing to control. One day my ex pulled out to pass a double decker bus stopped at the bus stop. He clipped the bus with the sidecar wheel which then 'drove' up the side of the bus, tipping the bike over on to it's side with him still sat on the bike and the sidecar up in the air. The bus driver never noticed and drove away.......
                                                                                                                                                                             

Guzzi-Rob, i had a similar embarrassing fall at the head of a traffic queue when I put my foot down and the bottom of my trousers hooked over the carb top of my BMW boxer.
Serves me right for not wearing boots I suppose                                                                                                                                                                             

My Doctor once told me to take my top off, so I duly stripped to the waist while he had his back turned.  I'll never forget the look of horror on his face when he turned back and said 'what are you doing?'. 
Apparently he meant take the top off the sample that I had brought in, oops!                                                                                                                                                                             

At a hen night, then at the end of the evening back to the house where we were all staying the night and one of the girls saying she was 'spooning' with me that night - not knowing what that was at that point, explained I wasn't gay, but was extremely flattered .  Once the hysterical laughter stopped they explained to me what it meant - I felt such a chump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                              

Camping in farmers field in Edale, Derbyshire, many years ago. We'd arrived after dark so didn't see much. 

Just got light in morning when i decided I needed the loo.

Hopped over a stone wall and got down to business, just as the 5.30am Manchester to Buxton first train of the day passed on the railway line down in a dip. There's me with my arse to the wind about 20 feet from the window level.

Oh well, at least they wouldn't recognise by face