I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.   Health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.   All these health nuts are going to feel really stupid one day, laying in hospital dying of nothing.   Life is sexually transmitted.   We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.   The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.   Who was the first person to look at a chicken and say " I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its arse".   Why do car drivers all look at you when you are riding your bike? Jelousy.                                                                                                                                                                             

and who thought  of milking a cow and drinking it?????                                                                                                                                                                             

Had a minor bump with a car on the way home. When the other driver got out he was a dwarf! He walked up to me and said "I'm not happy" So I said "well which one are you?"  That's when the fight started......                                                                                                                                                                             

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it                                                                                                                                                                             

The girlfriend said "I'm feeling fat and horrible. I'm past my prime, my boobs are sagging, my hair is lank and I'm beggining to look like my mother. I need a compliment"   So I said "There nothing wrong with your eyesight"   That's when the fight started.....                                                                                                                                                                             

   love it

sheer class trike, next ?!                                                                                                                                                                              

these true things certainly make u fink                                                                                                                                                                              

The sooner you get behind, the more time you have to catch up                                                                                                                                                                              

They say getting to the top is hard, but staying there is harder .......could someone point out which way up is please                                                                                                                                                                               

 Very True!!!! Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.  If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.  If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen. Good judgment comes from bad experience ...and most of that comes from bad judgment. A closed mouth gathers no foot.  There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.                                                                                                                                                                             

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?                                                                                                                                                                             

Why do dogs get angry if you blow up their noses? but when you take em in the car the first thing they do is stick their heads out the window!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

wouldn't you be pissed off if a dog blew up your nose ?????????????????                                                                                                                                                                             

Na!!! be more attention than I usually get!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Ha ha four legged I mean lol                                                                                                                                                                             

So did I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

PMSL                                                                                                                                                                             

oh......you two......                                                                                                                                                                             

why do your own farts smell ok to yourself ???