Just had a "canvass" phone call from, I think she said "Bathnight"?.

"Would I say it was harder to get "in" or "out", of the bath???

Told her, my only problem, is getting, my Son, outta the fookin shower!!!

What mailing lists am I on???

Realised i was getting old the other day when i asked for gods bleep number off switchboard....thought her chuckles were a private joke and when my fave hca asked if she could help me i asked her to find me gods direct dial number....

Yes p*ss ripped outa me and keep getting asked if i've spoken to god yet.... Could only happen to me eh?

you get stopped for speeding,they say"right then sonny..." till you take your lid off then suddenly become "mate" or even worse"sir"...............senile delinquent at large,j57 x                                                                                                                                                                             

Realised i was getting old the other day when i asked for gods bleep number off switchboard....thought her chuckles were a private joke and when my fave hca asked if she could help me i asked her to find me gods direct dial number....

Yes p*ss ripped outa me and keep getting asked if i've spoken to god yet.... Could only happen to me eh?

you look at rally details for b&b,or chalets...............bad back eh?where,when,how much,how many beers'll do me                                                                                                                                                                             

you drop your bike at less than 5mph and your off work for weeks                                                                                                                                                                              

Clarkee, that made me laugh!    Some time ago I was getting emails form a 'Mature' dating site!  Talk about insulted!!!!!    Oh but I am  beginning to sound like my mum, now that is worrying!                                                                                                                                                                              

Mizzi, realised you're getting old when you forgot you'd already posted and did it again, Senile or what?

Blackberry, I'd say you were beginning to look like your mum but I've not met her and anyway she may be insulted.

My moment was today when a customer who I know is younger than me called "me young man" and instead of thinking of it as a compliment I thought "who are you calling young man?"  Not started looking for SAGA holidays yet though.                                                                                                                                                                             

You know your getting old when:   You can get your insurance from Saga You no longer get 18 to 30 holiday brochures The candles on your Birthday cake sets off the smoke alarms You get smiled at by a stranger, who then asks if he can help you across the road. A night out, take's a month to get over  You can remember all the words to the Bay City Rollers songs You can remember 45's and how many you could load on the turn table at once (I won't mention 78's!!!) How far sixpence went 5 park drive (out of a machine) Your kids beg you not to dance at a family do I can't remember what post I'm writing on??                                                                                                                                                                               

I felt old a few months ago when I walked into a shop and a youngster of around 10 said 'hey cool, I like your hair colour'
(looks black but turns blue when the light shines on it)
Then the same endearing child dashed over to her mum  and said -

'mum, mum, have you seen that OLD LADY'S HAIR over there!!!

                                                                                                                                                                             

Nice one pb                                                                                                                                                                              

Ta Alice - was thinking of dying it grey - 'know thy place' springs to mind!!!                                                                                                                                                                              

Just like the old saying,  "you know you're getting old when..., er...something something something...."          ...can't remember it                                                                                                                                                                               

......When you spend 20 mins or more trying desperately to remove the lid off a jar of honey, only to resort to a hammer and screwdriver to punch a hole in the top to break the seal, cos you ain't got the  strength to unscrew the top!!!

Blinkin' manufacturers, fixing 'em on so tight!!!
                                                                                                                                                                             

  ...you spend 5 minutes trying to pluck an eyebrow then put your glasses back on and realise it's a wrinkle!                                                                                                                                                                              

when you see claudia schiffer selling anti wrinkle cream on tv,remember crackerjack,look in the mirror and see me looking back!                                                                                                                                                                             

It's Friday, it's 5 o clock , and it's ....                                                                                                                                                                             

  Crackerjack? No, can't be, that was 5 to 5 wasn't it?                                                                                                                                                                              

Just checking...                                                                                                                                                                             

......when your pint is more attractive than the barmaid.

And if you didn't check the barmaid at all then you're DEAD!!