Aries (March 21 - April 19) Someone will dash up to you today, say "meep meep! bthpblthpblthp!", and then dash off. At least now you'll know how to spell it.   Taurus (April 20 - May 20) If you've been wanting to become a religious leader, today is the day to get cracking on it. Otherwise, probably an uneventful day.   Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new high-tech bag that "breathes." Or, in this case, wheezes.   Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.   Leo (July 23 - August 22) A person wearing a frilly pink tutu will appear, uninvited, at your next potluck event. He will become quite ornery, when you ask him to leave.   Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You will discover a small flaw in your character. Meditation and Ginseng tea might clear it up. Or if not that, then a few gallons of cheap wine and an adventure involving a cart filled with garbage, some gold coins, and a goat.   Libra (September 23 - October 22) Remember: good people are good because they gain wisdom through failure. Happily, there's every reason to believe you'll become much better soon!   Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad". It's something to do.)   Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Excellent day for a bubble bath. If you don't have a little yellow rubber ducky, you'll need to get that first, of course.   Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) You will be followed by people who look suspiciously like shoe salesmen. Try to remain calm -- they can sense fear.   Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Your ancestors were berserkers -- feared warriors who attacked without fear or common sense. You will soon enter the same state of mind, and when you finally "snap out of it", you will find an enormous pile of peeled potatoes and family members edging towards the door.   Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Excellent time to take up weasel ranching. Or at least to claim that's what you do, at parties. Have a great day                                                                                                                                                                             

right yellow ducky were r u