Aries (March 21 - April 19) Beware of midget bookies, today. It's ok to get one of those tiny little poetry books, though, if you feel you really must.   Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You will begin a spiritual journey. The karmic chaos which has surrounded you begins to settle into a new pattern. Also, you will become strangely fascinated by electric juicers.   Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.   Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Remember: Unexpressed feelings don't die. They are buried alive and emerge later as Border Collies. So don't hold anything back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may lose your job, family and friends, but you won't have a crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every step.   Leo (July 23 - August 22) In a rather bizarre and unfortunate turn of events today, your lips will go ballistic. Shortly thereafter, your Ziggy Marley accent will kick in. You will be comforted to know that those are simply the first two signs of a "spaz attack", which is more common than most people realize, and usually non-fatal.   Virgo (August 23 - September 22) This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!." Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette.   Libra (September 23 - October 22) You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You'll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.   Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You should give your car a name, so people will be more impressed when you give them a ride. I think you should call yours "The Federation Starship Intrepid." And always do that little two-finger wave and say "engage", when you start off, of course.   Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.   Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) A rare form of management disease will strike you today, where you can only speak in metaphors. Still, you'll open the kimono and hit the ground running.   Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble, though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash.   Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Soon you will start work on a mystery novel, "The Curse Of The Mummy's Nose", told from the point of view of your cat, Erik.                                                                                                                                                                               

Errrmm . . I just found a plot BL      Is it yours ???                                                                                                                                                                               

How did you know I was writing a novel?                                                                                                                                                                             

classic - just shown my boss he laughed, he looked at mine and said good job we aint got a staff meeting today!  lol and hes a capricorn and does all that management speak crap! lol                                                                                                                                                                              

spaz attacks are usual most days lol                                                                                                                                                                              

lmao ... growing bushy eyes brows as we speak ;) sexyyyyyyyy!                                                                                                                                                                               

Oi! What's wrong with midgets?!                                                                                                                                                                             

...right, best be off to find a pencil to write that novel. Note to self...feed Erik first :>>                                                                                                                                                                             

I haven't got a cat, got a pencil.