Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs. Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front ...But she didn't wear that one very often. Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread. Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have u got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon 'Pies you d!ckhead'. Mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon. Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cause he was gay. Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill, the dill, forgot her pill, and now they have a son. Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass. Now his two front teeth are missing. Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease and now it's black and crispy                                                                                                                                                                             

   ROFLMHO especially the last one.   Should rename it Nursery Crimes                                                                                                                                                                               

Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch some rolls of cheese.   Jack came down with a big smile and his trousers around his knee's....                                                                                                                                                                              

Mary had a little pig, she kept it in a bucket.   Every time she took it out, her bulldog tried to f__ _t......er....trip it up!!!!! lol                                                                                                                                                                             

   they are  brill....

little miss muffetsat on a tuffetlegs spread open widealong came a spiderwho crawled deep in side hercause he needed a place to hide!     Mary had a little lamb...that will teach her to sleep in the barn!                                                                                                                                                                             

Mary had a little lamb, she thougt it was quite sillyshe threw him up into the air and caught him by hisWilly was a watch dog, sitting on the grass,along came a bumble bee and stung him up theask you no questions, i'll tell you no liesI saw a police man do up hisflies are a nuncience, bee's are the worstand that is the end of my little verse                                                                                                                                                                             

Mary Pugh was only two, when she went out of doors.
She went out standing up she did, but came back on all fours.
The moral of this story, please meditate and pause,
Is never send a baby out with loosely waisted drawers!

Tell me Mr Python, curling around the tree,
Wouldn't you like to make yourself a dinner out of me?
Tell me Mr Python, it really can't be fun,
Crushing people's bones, whilst they wriggle in your tum!

There are holes in the sky where the rain falls in.
They are ever so small, that's why rain is thin!

Soldier Freddy,
Was never ready.
But Soldier Neddy,
Unlike Freddy,
Was always ready
And Steady.

That's why,
When Soldier Neddy,
Is-outside-Buckingham-Palace-on-guard-in-the-pouring-wind-and-rain-being-ready-and-steady,
Freddy
Is at home in beddy!

Things that go bump in the night,
Should not really give one a fright,
It's the hole in each ear, that lets in the fear,
That and the absence of light!


RIP Mr Spike Milligan                                                                                                                                                                              

Mary had a little lamb
The midwife had a fit!
                                                                                                                                                                             

hickory dickory dock.
three mice ran up the clock.
the clock struck one
.........and other two escaped with minor injuries.
                                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                              

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow blew up on the launch pad..                                                                                                                                                                             

love them, made me giggle lots.   I'm waiting for Wheelbarrow to come in and ruin it though                                                                                                                                                                               

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in the scullery,
A cannon ball came through the wall,
And blew the lamb to ........heaven....

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
So jack could lick Jills f****,
Jack got a shock, and a face full of c***
Cos Jills a pre-op tranny.

PMSL that is so wrong