We have all had them... face going beetroot type incidents.   So come on and tell us all what happened.                                                                                                                                                                             

errrrrrrrrrrr hmmmmmmmmmm let me think ............no not tellin                                                                                                                                                                              

ooohhhhhhh spoilsport...........                                                                                                                                                                              

i was out shopping one day and stood in the que to pay and saw a bloke in front of me struggling bagging his shopping up, well i no that carrier bags and men just dont have a good relationship so i poked him in the side to get his attention and said " do you want a hand with this lot" ???   he turned round fully and he had had his arm amputated from his elbow down !!!! i felt awfull saying that cos he had no hand i said sorry an he  laughed about it but i went beetroot red an everyone else was sniggering !!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

When I first started work I was employed in a shop filled with women... I was the only lad there and being young, they all mothered me.  I was used for the heavy jobs and soon filled out... muscles and everything... got a lot bigger physically.   As I was still young and just getting used to work... one day I overslept. and was a bit late.  So I just grabbed my trousers out of the wardrobe..........   Unfortunately they were my old school trousers, which were now a tad tighter than they had been.. but no worries I could get them on.  All be it without my underpants... Like I said I was in a hurry.   Got to the shop... and just in time too.  My first job was to lift a box of things from the floor to a storage shelf..... bent down, and Riiiiiiiiiiippp   The trousers gave way, right around the seam.  Family jewels hanging out on full display..................   Tried wearing a dust coat, but the women kept getting me to bend down for silly little jobs.   A whole day of total embarrassment.                                                                                                                                                                               

i dont suppose the flap in the back of the dust coat helped either !!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

i had an autobiography book brought me for xmas, i had asked for it but i had never read an autobiography  before cos i usually read fiction. my mate asked if it was any good   i said yes i did enjoy it but found all through the book it was  all   me me me me me...... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

you plonker..............                                                                                                                                                                              

got sevaral. but my first work one was as a tilers mate, during the school holidays I worked for a neighbour doing the  fetching & carrying, he sent me off to the tile shop for a bag of grout & a long weight or so i thought, i asked for the items got to bag of grout & was told by the bloke in the shop weight had to be made, after 20 mins of standing there wondering why every one who come in was sniggering i realised weight  really meant  wait, i went bright red & scurryed out of the shop very quickly.                                                                                                                                                                             

awwwwwwwww poor you oggy   when i was at catering collage we use to play tricks on the newbies and told them to go a get  bucket of steam.......and off they went                                                                                                                                                                              

One of the best tricks we played on a newbie here....  We did a "test" on an engine.... and inflated a pastic bag, tied a knot in it.   Told the newbie that we suspected it was contaminated air.  The military police needed to know for safety reasons.... we sent him over to them.  They said they couldn't test it and to take it to the engine testing facility... who said they couldn't accept it without a set form and the bag had to be boxed for safety,  They sent him back to us... we wrote out a form and put the bag in a huge cardboard box and sent him on his way.  The engine bay took the box off him and told him to wait a minute.  Then they told him that it had to be disposed of and to take it to the fire station as they had the correct disposal equipment, but to go to the medical centre first and let them know what was going on in case there was an accident.   Poor little sod did all that, got to the fire section, where they stamped on the bag to burst it and put it in the bin.... it was only then he twigged.  All this had taken him the best part of a shift as all the sites he was sent to are on different parts of the airfield.  He was a little bit embarrassed by it all   Oh by the way.... it wasn't my idea either.                                                                                                                                                                             

shame it wasn't your idea rube i would have been very proud of thinking of that one........... good scam i thought poor sod who was on the receiving end though......   when i left beauty therapy school i had a place of my own to run, the very first bloke i did a body massage on, i was concerntrating an doing his upper thigh and i must have put too much massage oil on cos my hands slipped off his thigh straight into his crown jewels !!!!!!!  i adjusted my hands back to his legs never said anything but god my face told the whole saga and when i had finished i couldnt lok him in the eye........  mind he booked for one every week after that but i made sure i wasnt liberal with the oil in that area again !!!! and i never got my hands on his jewels again !!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Poor you... and after you spent all that money on oil just in case....                                                                                                                                                                              

lol rube   it didnt get wasted !!!!!!!!!1

i bumped into a friend ages ago and she was very dressed up make up on everything, i said you look realy smart and tarted up today  where've you been dressing up to the nines like that. she replied she had  just come from her grans funeral !!!!! i felt awful and made my excuses and went                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                                                                             

ouch........   There was a bloke I used to see in the pub I went to in Liverpool.  He was always sitting at the bar when I went in, but I never actually realised this until one day I got there first,  he cam in and was limping badly.  I said "Hi Bill what you done to yourself mate, thats a bad limp you got there."   It was only then I found out he was an amputee.                                                                                                                                                                             

oops you certanily put ya foot in it didnt you rube !!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                             

oooooooo that was dreadful Storm.......                                                                                                                                                                             

I needed to work on the gutter so I put the ladder against the house but the path was on a tilt so, to make it safer,I tied the bottom of the ladder to the bumper of my wife's car. While I was up the ladder she came out, got in the car and drove off. Fortunately I landed in a bush so didn't seriously hurt myself- what a prat I am!