A reet Yorkshireman goes into a jewellers shop   "Nah then lad, canst tha mek mi a gold model o mi dog?"   Reckon as ow I can, would tha like it eighteen carat?   "nay id like him ateing a bone"                                                                                                                                                                             

  thas a reet un, thee ! 

what the f**k are you on about?!..........                                                                                                                                                                             

eee, ecky-thump lad - wos u like                                                                                                                                                                             

Dunt mither theesen Arf, dost tha not kna how to call in t'proper tongue? Tha mun tek lessons and do thi learning else as ow folk'll be thinking thee slow. Iffen tha thinks as ow im bad tha mun try calling wi Karey as shes from't place where folk tak reet proper Tyke.                                                                                                                                                                             

  PML as if it aint difficult enough to understand spoken dialects, now I have to concentrate to READ 'em.     (I'm a never-reet Southern-bred Northerner)                                                                                                                                                                              

You can always tell a Yorkshireman....         ...but you can't tell him much!                                                                                                                                                                             

....."tha mun try calling wi Karey"   hey up thas nowt like a gud call ...an we dunt mean 'call' as in Call of the Wild!!!   ..we mean 'CALL' !!   ok.. pronounced cal  lol   pmsl...and im a Suvvern Bred Norverner......     Waits for Arf......... keep up lad !  innit                                                                                                                                                                                 

lol brilliant thread                                                                                                                                                                             

My favourite yorkshire joke.

A Septic comes for a trip to the land of his fathers.

Up in 'God's Own Country' he comes across a tyke farmer sitting outside a pub.

Talking to him he asks 'What are those animals on top of the hills?'

'Sheep' the farmer replys,

'Sheep? Boy. where I come from we've got rabbits bigger than that' says the Septic.

'What are those buildings over there?' asks the yank

'Them's barns' says the farmer

'Barns? Boy, I've got outhouses bigger than that back home' reply's the Yank,

'How many acres you got?' he asks.

'200' says the Yorkshireman.

'200?, 200? Boy, back home when I get in my car in the morning it takes me three days to drive across my land' says the yank.

'Ay' says the farmer 'I had a car like that once'

  Wots a septic?                                                                                                                                                                              

 @ the septic yank!

  Ooer!                                                                                                                                                                                  

Septic Tank - Yank.                                                                                                                                                                             

They carry on chatting and as they do so the American notices that the farmer has some little black pellets in his hand.

Curious , he asks what they are.

'Them's learning pills'

'Learning pills?'

'Aye,' says the farmer 'learning pills. Take some of these and you get cleverer, you learn'

'Where can I get some and how much are they' asks the Yank

'Well I reckon I can sell you some of mine but bear in mind they're expensive' the farmer says '£500 each'

The American hums and ahhs and says'OK, I'll have four'

He hands over the £2000 and puts the pills in his mouth and starts chewing and spits them straight back out.

'These taste like sheep shxt!' he belows

'See' says the farmer 'you're learning'.

PMSL @ Vinnie - love it   errrmmmm...I'm from t'other side of thee 'ill.....the Red Rose County. However, 'ave been overt'border for many a year now & now evrywun from ova theer thinks am from ova eer & evrywun from ova eer knows am from ova theer!!!                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                                                                             

Calm down hfg - it sounds like you have too many ova ee's!                                                                                                                                                                             

Sithee Karey, tha mun keep an eye on yon HG, been as ow shes from t'other side o t'hill mebbe as she's a spy or summat.  Appen as how she sin t'light an'all an lives in a reet gradely bit o'Gods Own Country tha can niver be sure wi a Lancastrian!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Tyke at the Vets   "Ahve come abaht mi cat"   Is it a Tom?   "Nay lad Ahve fetched it wimme"