How true are some of these (well, all them actually, but some are more pertinent than others)1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is listening until you Fart.4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ....then things just get worse. 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.                                                                                                                                                                              

 v.good                                                                                                                                                                              

way to go scary LOL                                                                                                                                                                             

21. God gave you two eyes and two ears, only one mouth so use your ears and eyes twice as much as you use your mouth.   22. The customer is always right, even if he is a pillock.   23. Red light means stop, green light means go, amber light means go but bloody fast. (accept when covered with gatso lol)   24. If you think you are right or wrong you inverably are!   25. One mans fish eggs are annothers caviar.   26. Just what was that 1st person doing when they descovered milking?   27. Why do they call an airport a terminal?   28. What did Queen Victoria realy think when Walter R came back from his adventures and say "Try this your Majesty, put it in this bowl light it and then inhale the burnt smoke by sucking on this straw attached"   29. Who changed mens blouses to shirts?   30. Why would you want to know how many beer crates it is to the moon?                                                                                                                                                                                 

You can't please ALL of the people ALL of the time...     So why f***ing bother ?                                                                                                                                                                             

Because it is nice to please someone some of the time.                                                                                                                                                                             

bl**dy hell - no 28..I knew Queen Vick was old when she popped her clogs..didn't know she was that old though                                                                                                                                                                              

lol ok liz soz for confusion                                                                                                                                                                              

Scary.      Being the diplomat, as usual