They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters whose grammar and spelling needed checking first. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins: --------------------------The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on March 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.-------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.-------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..-------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.-------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.-------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance. --------------------------And this one just about sums them all up, The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:- 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'                                                                                                                                                                             

Absolute thumbs up so funny .. Had me giggling lol and no I'm not drunk lol                                                                                                                                                                             

Just to clear up any possible misunderstanding...   FLUMPY IS NOT A DRUNK...   ...despite rumours to the contrary.                                                                                                                                                                             

Nice one Ragnar, well funny.                                                                                                                                                                             

oooh reminds me of many howlers I've seen.     and in the case of the breaching of the peach incident......     He was travelling on pubic transport when the incident occurred.     lol   thanks Rags...cheered me up RB                                                                                                                                                                             

Lmho at these ..nice one Ragner... x