Aries (March 21 - April 19) Today you should sit down (someplace comfy), and ask yourself if you even care. You shouldn't. It's not your fault, you've been trying as hard as you can, so you shouldn't care. Not if they're going to act like that.   Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze.   Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.   Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.   Leo (July 23 - August 22) Following up on your accidental observation of the "sock dimension" (remember that sock you saw re-materializing a while back?), you will invent a machine to let you cross over the dimensional barrier. Sadly, you'll be one dimension off, and will pop into the lost pen & pencil dimension, where you will be severely poked.   Virgo (August 23 - September 22) A big spider will be waiting for you in the dark, chuckling its evil spider chuckle, and rubbing it's hairy legs together in a chitinously evil way. Fortunately for you, someone else will come by before you, and will squish it without a second thought.   Libra (September 23 - October 22) You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That's just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.   Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) In an unfortunate turn of events, someone sitting across from you will have a peculiar variant of a bad hair day...a bad nosehair day.   Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...   Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Remember: Unexpressed feelings don't die. They are buried alive and emerge later as Border Collies. So don't hold anything back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may lose your job, family and friends, but you won't have a crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every step.   Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks".   Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will come up with an idea for cutting down on the customer service calls that your company gets. Unfortunately, there just aren't enough people with Tourette Syndrome available for hire.                                                                                                                                                                              

Pyrex (test tube babies)
Meeting all your dads today. lol                                                                                                                                                                             

Aries (March 21 - April 19) Today you will wake up in somebody else's body. The strangest thing about the transition will be that you'll have all the memories from the new body, and none of your own from before. Despite that, you will be somehow quite certain that you've "traded down."   Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Fungus day today. Interestingly, you will discover that in order to engage in mycological research, you need go no further than your toes...   Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Today, someone named "Svlad" will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.   Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Absolutely marvelous day to complain, grumble, gripe, or whine. Remember: if you're going to do something, do it well.   Leo (July 23 - August 22) You will begin a spiritual journey. The karmic chaos which has surrounded you begins to settle into a new pattern. Also, you will become strangely fascinated by electric juicers.   Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You will discover what Shakespeare actually meant, when he wrote "Hey nonny, nonny", in Much Ado About Nothing. It turns out that it was simply in-field chatter that somehow made it into the play, and that Shakespeare not only enjoyed softball, but was a reasonably good shortstop.   Libra (September 23 - October 22) A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin. Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have pizza.   Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You'll find more, and very "interesting", uses for cocktail umbrellas today.   Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Today you will discover a way to have your cake and eat it too! Unfortunately, everyone else will think that's really disgusting.   Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Good week to greet everyone with great enthusiasm. For example, "Bob! You're still alive!" (Everyone likes to feel appreciated.)   Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Good time to compliment your friends. If you can't think of anything else to say, tell them they're looking "very buff". That will leave them pleased, but slightly uneasy, and they'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror.   Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will have another nasty insect bite episode, I'm afraid. In this case, though, you will at least know what bit you. Hard to miss something that size.

                                                                                                                                                                             

PISCES.....you will meet tall dark stranger,unfotunately he has robe with hood and scythe................bugger..                                                                                                                                                                             

Noooo. Im pisces. got lots more living and loving befor i leave this wierd and somtimes wonderful soil. :-D                                                                                                                                                                             

STAGGERTOTTERUS...permanently pissed....i forsee problems with bladder control and re-emergence of curry consumed 20 pints ago...love life...you wish!!                                                                                                                                                                             

SCORPIO....mmmmmmmmmmmmm.                                                                                                                                                                             

telephonus salesicas.....i forsee a very nasty and violent end if you ring me when i'm on lates....ever