ToleranceI am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in London.I think it should be the goal of every Englishman to be tolerant.Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...                                                                                                                                                                             

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."                                                                                                                                                                             

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.My prospective sister-in-law was a twenty-two year old blonde who wore very tight miniskirts and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.One day “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . . we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”And the moral of this story is:Always keep your condoms in your car!                                                                                                                                                                             

An Essex Winter StoryAs a lorry driver in Essex stops for a red light, ablonde in her car pulls up alongside. She jumpsout of her car, runs up to his lorry cab, and knocks on the door. Thedriver lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Sharon and you'relosing some of your load!"The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the lorry stops for another red light, the girl again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up tohis cab, and knocks on the door. The guy lowers the window, and she says,"Hi, my name is Sharon and you ARE losing some of your load."Shaking his head, the driver ignores her again and continues down the street.At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the lorry cab door. The driver lowersthe window again and she says,'Hi, my name is Sharon and you really are losing some of your load!When the light turns green, the driver revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of his lorry, and runs back to the blondeHe knocks on her window and, as she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm gritting the road."                                                                                                                                                                             

An old biker was sitting on a bench.A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.He had spiked hair in all different colors. Green, Red, Orange, Blue, and Yellow....The old man just stared and stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got really, really drunk once and screwed a peac**k. I was wondering if you were my son!"                                                                                                                                                                             

A successful gynecologist decides to fulfill his life's dream: give up medical practice and become a motorcycle mechanic.

So he gets out of the medical business and enrolls at a mechanic's seminar with Harley Davidson.

After many weeks of training comes the final examination, taking apart and then re-assembling a randomly chosen Harley Davidson engine.

He grabs his tools and sets to work, but soon he gets worried: while he is still working on the valve-covers, everybody else is already busy with removing the cylinder heads.

He falls more and more behind, and as he is just starting to put it all back together, everybody else is already finished.

He manages to put the engine back together, barely in time before the exam ends.

Because it took him so much longer than everybody else, he goes straight to the teacher to ask how he performed.

"Well," the teacher says, "out of one hundred possible points you scored 150." "But how is that possible?" the ex-gynecologist asks.

"Well, it breaks down to this: You get fifty points for correctly taking the engine apart. And you get another fifty points for putting it back together perfectly." "And what did I get those additional fifty points for?"

"For doing it all through the exhaust."