Thanks SS, the same girl was a black belt in Karate and she once flattened a bloke in a pub! I thought she was a lovely girl, very nice, couldn't speak of her highly enough....                                                                                                                                                                              

I was once in a crowded pub with an ex girlfriend when a fight started in the corner. I begin to think this is not worth getting into so I grab her hand and head for the door, But the hand feels podgy and doesn’t seem to want to come with me. I turn round and I’ve got this bloke by the hand and he’s looking daggers at me. She on the other hand is stood behind him waving and grinning like a gud un.   Very funny Frank  I'd love to have seen YOUR face.                                                                                                                                                                               

Was at my ex's family christmas party, 4 kids under10, parents, grand parents, great grand parents there. Great grand mum said why do blow jobs taste so salty!!!!!!!!!! deadly quiet then an uproar!!!!!!!! Does any one know if they are salty.                                                                                                                                                                             

Hi Kwak - face was a somewhat embarrassed shade of red. She was laughing like a drain for an hour.                                                                                                                                                                              

Climbed into a chest freezer in iceland ready to scare me Mum, lid opened i jumped up with a chicken under each arm bellowing 'can i help you madam?', poor old woman screamed and passed out !!!   Suffice is to say i got a back hander from me Mother and a sharp telling off from the Manager, not bad for a 39 year old                                                                                                                                                                              

talking to a coloured gentleman ''are you going to Dublin?'' he said ''yes said I''how are getting there?'' said he''big bird in sky'' said I pointing skywards and flapping my arms!!                                                                                                                                                                              

sitting outside a pub some years back looking at a particularly dedraggled looking woman walking up.look at the state of her said I,voice behind me says thats my wife!                                                                                                                                                                             

saying to a guy at a seafront cafe ''nice that yoou bring your mum on holiday with you'' yes folks it was his wife!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Talking to a guy on the sleeper from London... got round to talking about Wigan. I said only whores or rugby players come from Wigan... he said "my wife comes from there"..... I said " Really?...... What position does she play?"         *disclaimer: the above event may not have actually taken place...*                                                                                                                                                                             

LMAO can only be you TC ...he must have pissed you off IF the event took place lol                                                                                                                                                                             

BJ , who uses a chest freezer in ICELAND ??? was it a big one lol                                                                                                                                                                             

it had to be she was 39 yo!!                                                                                                                                                                             

Exc what are you trying to insinuate prey tell lol ?????

                                                                                                                                                                             

Asked a lad at the Ure rally what he was riding?

He had R1 all over his leathers and helmet and an R1 parked in front of his tent

Thanks to Blade and Sumo for not sharing the joke
                                                                                                                                                                             

never did believe you cos i seen your pics !lol ..but i thought in Iceland they just dig a hole in the back yard ? aint been there yet so i would'nt know , no offence meant BJ                                                                                                                                                                              

Exc no offence taken (it takes an awful lot to offend me and i mean alot, trust me look at size of my arris lol)                                                                                                                                                                              

still say i dont believe you , and you sound like a great lass ...you put a sparkle in me old eye's , get smaller glasses ffs x                                                                                                                                                                             

Exc a sparkle u say, thot that was optrex done for effect lol

Big glasses save u the horror of having to look at me face, its my civic duty u know
                                                                                                                                                                             

I remember causing some embarrassment as a young child at the Food Fair in Earls Court or Olympia. A guy was demonstrating a machine that used heated rollers to cook sausages and didn't seem to have much idea how to use it. I recall he tried not to touch the sausages with his hands getting them out of the pack and ended up dropping them on the floor. Anyway, there were lots of free samples going there and I had earmarked a sausage - when the damn thing was cooked, and it took for ever. So, being of an impatient nature, I suddenly piped up, "You need a frying pan." At the time I couldn't understand why everyone found it so funny. Still I was right. That machine never did catch on.  

My Ex telling me the name of the church where to pick up my nipper. Asked her where it was.   Where we got married was the reply acompanied by a filthy look.