The prince had taken Snow white back to his castle and the seven dwarfs decided to see how she was getting on. When they arrived, the gates were locked and there didn't seem to be anyone about. So Doc told all the dwarfs to climb on each others shoulders, with Dopey on top and he could look over the castle wall and tell the rest what he could see. Dopey looked into the garden and told the dwarf below him that he could see Snow white with the prince lying between some bushes. The information was passed down from dwarf to dwarf down to Doc at the bottom. He's now taking off her blouse, said Dopey. the information was again passed down the line. He's now taking off her panties. down the line the information filtered. He's starting to have sex with her. Again the info was passed down the line. Doc shouted up 'What's happening now. What's going on. Just then, the prince looked up, saw Dopey spying over the wall, jumped up and ran toward him. He's comming, hes comming shouted Dopey.   From below, came the reply.    So am I. So am I. So am I. So am I. So am I. So am I.                                                                                                                                                                             

A young wife walked into the bedroom where her new husband was and said to him: 'Take off my blouse', he removed her blouse. 'Take off my skirt', he removed her skirt. 'Take off my stockings', he took off her stockings. 'Take off my suspender belt', he took off her suspender belt. 'Take off my panties', he removed her panties. She then moved in closer, looked him straight in the eyes and said:     'And don't let me catch you wearing them again'.                                                                                                                                                                              

Ha ha  .,..not bad for an early morning postin, MS.! Heyyyyy i teld ya them glasses looked good !                                                                                                                                                                               

An old man is a new face in an old folks home and an old lady takes a bit of a shine to him and they strike up a friendship, just chatting away playing cards and reminsing over old times, as the weather improves the decide it would be nice to take a walk in the local park, they do this the whole summer, and they sit an a bench by the lake each day and eat their packed lunch, as they've got on so well the old bloke asks if she could do something for him of a rather delicate and personal nature, she says it should be ok providing it's not too personal, he says would you please hold my penis, she's taken aback by his boldness but asks is that all he wants he says yes just hold it he just wants to feel the warmth of her hand on it. She says ok so they sit there with her rain coat over the action so no one will be offended, this goes on for a few more weeks but one day he is not at their bench and rather worried she sets off to look for him, she finaly finds him sat with another old woman with a raincoat over his lap on the otrher side of the lake, she rightly demands to know what the other woman has got that she has not, PARKINSONS he replies............

There are a male and female naked statues in a park and they've been there almost 100 years and God looks down on them and turns to St. Peter and says I want you to go to those statues and tell them tomorrow they will have served the park for 100 years and I wish to bring them to life for one hour so they may do as they wish for that hour. St. Peter is rather puzzeled by this but does his masters bidding, he tells the statues he will return the following day and give them life for one hour, they do not react. The following day St. Peter returns and in turn touches the statues they each come to life and he says they have one hour to go do as they wish, they look at each other smile and climb down off their plinths holding hands they run off into the bushes, there is a lot of shreaking, laughing and bush movement and rustling for about 40 mins then they return, hand in hand and realy happy looking, St. Peter says they still have almost 20 mins left is there anything else they wish to do in that time, the male turns to the female and says "ok this time you catch a bird and I'll shit on it's head..."

                                                                                                                                                                             

Haha ..very good Hull                                                                                                                                                                              

A young girl visits her local priest and asks him to give her forgiveness for something 'Terrible' that she has done. He tells her to sit down and tell him about it. 'I let a boy put his hands on my breasts' she says. The priest put his hands on her breasts and says 'Like this?'. The girl replies 'Yes, just like that'. The priest tells her that there is nothing wrong in doing that. She then tells him that she let the boy put his hand down her panties. The priest puts his hand into her panties and says 'Like this?'. The girl replies 'Yes, exactly like that'. The priest tells her that there is nothing wrong in doing that. The girl than tells him that she let the boy have sex with her. Taking advantage of the situation, the priest removes her panties and proceeded to have sex with her asking if this was what the boy did. She replied 'Yes, that's exactly what he did'. When finished, the priest told her that there was nothing to be forgiven for, it was a natural thing to do.   The girl burst into tears and said ' But i've done something really terrible father'.   With a look of anticipation on his face the priest said 'And what could that be my child'.   Trying to hold back her tears the girl replies:           'I didn't tell him that I had a dose of the 'Clap'.                                                                                                                                                                             

A tramp finds a 10p in the gutter and remembers seeing an advert in a brothel window "All Types and Budgets catered for" and not having had any sex for almost 30 years he limps off to the brothel with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face! He soon gets to the brothel and approches a large ornate desk in a sumptuos front lobby to rival any grand hotel, thinking to himself I'm in the wrong place. He asks the woman on the desk a very beutiful woman in very expensive clothes "what would I get for 10p in a place like this?", she replies "please follow the signs to your destination", pointing at the signs above the door to her left. It reads £2000 and below, the tramp thanks her and goes through the door allong a corridor, there are rooms each labled £2000 £1800 £1600 etc etc, till he gets to the end door £990 and below, he goes through and proceeds upstairs, along a similar corridor till he gets to £100 and below, he again goes through that door and upstairs, along this corridor till he again gets to the last door 10p and below it says, he opens the not very well used door and goes upstairs and again a corridoor, now bear in mind please he is a tramp he notices the smell and guffs a little. He decides to have the best his money can buy, knocks on the 10p door and opens it to see a naked torso on the bed of a woman with no arms or legs who cannot speak and the beds covered with her previous erm encounters shall we say....... the tramp is aware he can also smell the room and it is dimly lit above the bed there are two empty bean cans just above the womans head suspended by a garter belt what's that for he wonders? kinky! Well he decides here is his chance after all this time so gets down to his emaciated trollys, and jumps on top of the woman and starts pumping away wondering what the hell was in the lower priced rooms, the woman starts banging the cans with her head 1 2, 1 2, 1 2, so he goes faster, the faster he goes so does she and finaly he comes.........Exhausted he makes his way down to the lobby, and breathless asks the receptionist "what is the significance of the two cans as the woman was banging at them as if her life depended on it towards the end!" the receptionist smiled and put out her silver tray "oh yes" said the tramp and deposited the 10p on the tray "I really enjoyed that thankyou" he said, she replied the significance of the cans was "tin tin" tin tin"

.   .   .                                                  By:    Marcel Marceau.                                                                                                                                                                             

Question. What is mankind's most important invention of all time. Answer. Window blinds.   Reason. Without window blinds, it would be curtains for us all.     Da-Daa!                                                                                                                                                                             

pmsl    sumtimes the simple things in life..are........well...simple ! lol                                                                                                                                                                              

A comely young Speech Therapist is getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action Group.Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she says:“If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born without stuttering, I will make wild and passionate love to you until your muscles ache, and your eyes water. Who wants to go first?”The Englishman immediately pipes up “B-B-B-B-B-B-Birmingham”, he says, before his head sags in defeat.The Scotsman raises his hand and says “G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Glasgow”. No Good.The Irishman takes a deep breath, and suddenly bursts forth with a clear, beautiful “London”“Brilliant, Paddy” says the therapist, and after the others are excused, she immediately sets about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy love-making, the couple pause for breath, and Paddy looks her in the eyes and says “d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dery!”                                                                                                                                                                             

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.  He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.  He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.' So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a puff of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish.  Just one wish ~~ each person is only allowed one!' The bartender gets real excited.  Without hesitating he says,  'I want a million bucks!' A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.  Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.' 'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?                                                                                                                                                                              

     A Yorkshireman was on his holidays in Spain and sat outside a taverna having a beer when from behind him, he heard the loud voice of a German truck driver bragging to a couple of young girls as to how many miles he could travel in one day.        After about ten minutes of the Germans noisy banter, the Yorkshireman had had enough.        He turned around to the German and said: 'Aye-up Lad, You think that's good? That's nowt! We used to load up in Cambridge in the morning, over to Berlin, off load, and back to Cambridge in time for tea'.           The German said: 'Naa! Zat is impossible, what were you driving?'        The Yorkshireman looked the German in the eyes and said:               'A Lancaster'.                                                                                                                                                                                 

Apologies in advance if these are already on here somewhere.     A little guy is sitting at the bar of his local pub when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "that's KUNG FU from Japan",   a bit later the thug smacks him again and says "thats KARATE from KOREA",  the little guy gets up and leaves the pub. A short time later he returns and smacks the thug,knocking him out cold he then turns to the bar man and says "when that t**t wakes up tell him that was a f***ing SHOVEL from B&Q"                                                                                                                                                                             

The Labour party have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accurately reflects their political stance. A condom allows for inflation,halts production,destroys the next generation,protects a bunch of pri**s and gives you a sense of security while you are actualy being f***ed                                                                                                                                                                             

Nice 'Two' Izzy.     M.S.                                                                                                                                                                             

Oh Bugger! It's done it again.                                                                                                                                                                             

And again. Jeeez!