Just got this via Email from a mate.

  A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS   hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b.... Nobody tells you f**k all in here
                                                                                                                                                                             

Two Patients
Two patients limp into two different clinics with the same complaint. Both of them have trouble walking and appear to require a hip operation.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND is still waiting after 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits a further 8 weeks to see a specialist, then eventually gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for the following month from then.

You may ask why the different treatment for the two patients?

Well here is the shocking truth:
The SECOND was a Senior Citizen who has paid their taxes fought in armed conflicts in defense of the realm.

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.

Next time I am ill take me to a vet!

WOOF*