What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.   You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.   The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2000. Tux rental-£100.   People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.   The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.   A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.   If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.   Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.   You only have to shave your face and neck.   You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..   You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.                                                                                                                                                                             

Sorry ad. . sounds pretty boring to me :>>>                                                                                                                                                                              

I was just thinking how familiar SOME (not quiteb all LOL) of those point were to my life                                                                                                                                                                              

very good actdaft,very very near the truth.                                                                                                                                                                             

oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, I'm a man...                                                                                                                                                                             

your absolutely right AD                                                                                                                                                                             

aaaaah but you forget we're not all the same...............it depends on the man..............and even then, the woman he's lucky to be with lol!                                                                                                                                                                             

You only have to shave your face and neck. But us women dont do it every day !!   People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. That depends on who your talking too... BJ always looks at mens chests ... for the hairs   The world is your urinal Have you not heard of the Shee Wee??   One mood all the time. We do one mood at a time ... just we can switch them faster than you can!   And the best for last Ladies   You can play with toys all your life.   Ohhhh Yeah we can too !!                                                                                                                                                                               

.............anybody got any spare batteries ??


                                                                                                                                                                             

NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.  If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.  
EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.   When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators  
MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.   A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.  
BATHROOMS

  A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these  items.  
ARGUMENTS

 
  A woman has the last word in any argument.   Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.  
FUTURE

 
  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.   A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.  
SUCCESS

 
  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.   A successful woman is one who can find such a man.  
MARRIAGE

 
  A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.   A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.  
DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.   A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.  
NATURAL   Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.   Women somehow deteriorate during the night.  
OFFSPRING Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about  dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.   A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.  
THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!                                                                                                                                                                              

Shell Lady you are so right ........ but i thought it was the law to look at mens chests !!!                                                                                                                                                                              

The international council of Man LawsFrom: The International Council of Man Laws. 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. 23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story. 26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your Wife squarely on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'                                                                                                                                                                              

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City  , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the  instructions at the entrance is a description of how the  store operates:   You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors  and the value of the products increase as the shopper  ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor,  but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!   So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On  the first floor the sign on the door reads:   Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.   She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where  the sign reads:   Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.  'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want  more.'   So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:   Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely  Good Looking.   'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep  going.  She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:   Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead  Good Looking and Help With Housework.   'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly  stand it!'   Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:   Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead  Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic  Streak.   She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor, where the sign reads:   Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There  are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof  that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping  at the Husband Store.   PLEASE NOTE:  To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened  a New Wives store just across the street.   The first floor has wives that love sex.   The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and  like beer.   The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been  visited.                                                                                                                                                                              

ha-ha this is clever and very funny!!!                                                                                                                                                                              

You forgot true MBW lol (maybe not the beer bit for me lol) I think I'd go up 1 more level (well as it's so unexplored who knows what is there lol)                                                                                                                                                                             

ha-ha.....very true too! LOL                                                                                                                                                                              

i have forgot what floor im on.                                                                                                                                                                             

Are you Floor 3 Act Daft?                                                                                                                                                                              

The husband store made me laugh out loud... and then it made me cry because it's SO bloody true.

I doubt if anything short of enraged bears with rabies and flamethrowers could shift me from the first floor of the wife store...
                                                                                                                                                                             

  I doubt if anything short of enraged bears with rabies and flamethrowers could shift me from the first floor of the wife store...   Does that mean you're a spouse-a-phobe?