A Nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.''It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother.We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.''I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?''Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'''Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!''Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother -- 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.''It's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and then it hits a bird in mid-flight!''Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!''No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'But then this squirrel runs out of the woods,grabs my ball, and runs off down the fairway!''Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! But while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in its paws!''So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the hole!'Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...'You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'                                                                                                                                                                             

On the subject of golf........................................................   A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when He notices a frog sitting next to The green.He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides toProve the frog wrong, puts the club Away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup.He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.You must be a lucky frog, hey?"The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with Him to the next hole."What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed The best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I Should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across The table.The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies,"Ribbit Kiss Me."He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl.       "And that is how the girl ended up in My room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."