New Words and their meanings   Testiculating = Waving your arms about and talking bollocks.   Blamestorming = Sitting around in a group deciding what went wrong , and who to blame for it.   Seagull Manager = A manager who flies in, makes lots of noise, craps on everything, then leaves.   Assmosis = The process by which certain individuals gain promotion by sucking up to the boss and doing little work.   Salmon Day = The experience of swimming against the flow all day, then you get screwed and die.   Cube Farm = an office filled with cubicles.   Prairie Dogging = When someone yells or drops coins in a cube farm... people's heads pop up just like prairie dogs.  (Also applies to promotions as there may be cake...)   SITCOM = what Yuppies become. Single Income Two Children Oppressive Mortgage.   SINBAD = single working girls .... Single Income, No Boyfreind, And Desperate.   Stress Puppy = a person who thrives on being stressed out and yappy.   Percussive Maintenance =  beating the crap out of electronic gizmos until they work properly.   Adminisphere = The rarified organisational layers beginning at just above the rank and file.   Administrivia = Inappropriate or totally irrelevant answers to none existing problems resulting in needless paperwork from the Adminisphere.   404 = someone who is clueless... from WWW message "404 Not Found".   Ohnosecond = The miniscule fragment of time when you realise that you just made a big mistake... (eg. you hit "reply all")   Going for a McShit = Going into a fast food place just to use the toilets.  When accosted by a spotty yoof you say you will get food afterwards... this is a McShit with Lies.   Aeroplane Blonde = Bleached hair but still carries a 'Black Box'.   Beer Coat = Invisible but warm coat worn on the way home from a session at 3am.   Beer Compass = invisible device that allways gets you home at 3am even when you don't remember your address.   Greyhound = Very short skirt worn within an inch of the hare.   Millenium Domes = Contents of a WonderBra... very impressive on the outside, but not much worth seeing on the inside.   Monkey Bath =  Bath so hot you go "Oo!Oo!Oo! ..  Aa!Aa!Aa!"   Mystery Bus = The bus that turns up near last orders while you are in the loo and takes away all the ugly people.   Mystery Taxi = Arrives in the morning and takes away the hunk/little cracker and leaves a hobgoblin in your bed instead.   Picasso Bum = A woman who wear knickers three sizes too small giving the appearance of four buttocks.   Tart Fuel = Bottled premix spirits and alcopops regularly consumed by young women.                                                                                                                                                                             

excellent as always rube                                                                                                                                                                              

Thanks hon                                                                                                                                                                             

yvw sugar                                                                                                                                                                              

very good m8 will have 2 remember some of those                                                                                                                                                                              

I have just got to get myself a copy of Roger's Profanasaurus.                                                                                                                                                                              

Rogers Profanasaurus, now that's a truly great book- we have one in each of our offices and email a series of numbers each day eg 126,2,6 meaning page number, column number and then count down the words (ie page 126, column 2, 6th word down) that way the email police dont pick up on what is our word of the day! Look up 'Tromboning', thats a particularly funny one!

Memory is running wild already.... I seriously need a copy.                                                                                                                                                                              

tell us dbdb!! x                                                                                                                                                                             

I am just looking up the full definition of tromboning, but here's another example:   Britney's chuff euph. A situation whereby a much-anticipated reality in no way matches up to what you'd imagined it would be like, to the point that you begin to wish you'd never seen it. 'I got the Sky Sports so I could watch the Ashes series. A right Britney's chuff that turned out to be.'                                                                                                                                                                              

And here's another good one:   snookered behind the red v. Unable to sink the pink due to the time of month. The only pot on is a difficult brown (qv).   For more take a look at the viz website- be warned, some may find them offensive!                                                                                                                                                                             

They also do TOP TIPS like this one:   SMOKERS. Enjoy seemingly longer holidays by stopping smoking on your first day off, making every day thereafter appear to be 72 hours long.                                                                                                                                                                             

Amazing:   BIRD FLU could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.                                                                                                                                                                             

just off to the viz website dbdb                                                                                                                                                                              

Doctors say we should eat a minimum of 5 peices of fruit or veg a day to remain healthy. Last week I ate five mouldy plums. Later that night I shat the bed. What's healthy about that?                                                                                                                                                                             

lol cant stop giggling at that one                                                                                                                                                                              

WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.                                                                                                                                                                             

Now there is an idea.......... but will they touch the patients?                                                                                                                                                                              

only with rubber gloves on rube                                                                                                                                                                             

Now why would patients wear rubber gloves?  Boxing gloves for the teenage lads maybe.