Sister in law ,,asked my cousin's Newly wed husband,,,       "Whats it like being married to an older woman!??"   My cousin was most miffed/horriied,,as she was infact  THREE YRS younger............                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Never mind inappropriate... how about mind-blowingly "please earth, swallow me up NOW!" stupid & idiotic?

22 years ago... on returning home after an all-night party, with a spring in my step, JUST in time for Sunday lunch... seeing my family sitting there with faces as long as you like, feeling really annoyed that as per usual they were being a miserable bunch of sods... plonking myself down into the chair and proclaiming with a giggle "Flippy neck! Who died around here?!"

"Your Mother's best friend's husband"

Ooops

Sunday roast picked at in stony silence.


Not to mention Wannabe homeless by the end of the day!
                                                                                                                                                                             

Royal gala concert in Liverpool in the early 1990s and selected members of the orchestra are introduced to the Queen after the show.
Musician, desperate for summat to say: "Have you ever heard Zadok the Priest before, ma'am?"
Her Majesty: "Ectually, one heard it at one's coronation."

Vouched for, gleefully, by everyone who was within earshot!

My wife instantly converted a police ticking-off into three points and sixty quid by addressing the officer as Judge Dredd. Tact under pressure was never her thing.                                                                                                                                                                             

Class! 

Oh... around the same time as my major faux pas above... I also wished someone luck by using ye olde lovies phrase of "Break a leg"... she was off to a nightclub where she was going to summon up the courage to go chat to a bloke she fancied there...

She returned to the pub a couple of weeks later, having spent her entire skiing holiday sitting there with her leg in plaster... not through a skiing injury, but by jumping out of the taxi when she got to the nightclub and promptly being run over.

I was thoroughly beaten with a crutch. And despite feeling terrible that she'd had a pointless "skiing" holiday, it still struck me as highly giggleworthy Which caused further beatings!
                                                                                                                                                                             

I told the lead singer of a SKA band that I would buy a CD from him if he could get me this foxy babes phone number that was in his band ......He then proceeded to open up his wallet and show me a picture of said babe and announced that it was his wife..................FOOK! I just wanted the floor to open and swallow me up there and then......Luckily enough he just laughed and so did his missus

Is it wrong that I found WB's "sunday dinner" post above one of the funniest I've read in a long time?                                                                                                                                                                             

i had fitted some locks at a posh couples house, they came back to the shop to pick some keys up and i said to the bloke...i didnt know you had a dog.......he said...what do you mean .....a dog i said in the car....he shouted thats my wife......she had the biggest furry coat on lmao

Geoff: Yes! Most definitely!

Do join me in the laughing at highly inappropriate moments corner
                                                                                                                                                                             

Not me, but my ex, managed a classic........... We had a regular customer on the farm, who also happened to drive a coach for a local company. One day when he came down my ex was chatting to him and said he'd seen the guys coach outside his house a few days previously, so he assumed he'd gone home in his lunch hour?.............. The guy explained that he hadn't ever been home lunch time and certainly never taken the coach home.............. oops, I guess one of his colleagues had been visiting the guys wife!!! Next thing we knew they'd split up!                                                                                                                                                                               

Oopsie! 

An ex of mine once announced "You know, you don't look too bad with your clothes on"



Gee thanks. Thanks a bundle! Did he not think I was already insecure enough?! He was mortified when he realised how it had come out but that's beside the point *ahem*
                                                                                                                                                                             

Sits smugly in the "laughing at highly inappropriate moments" corner.                                                                                                                                                                             

*gives Geoff evils*


                                                                                                                                                                             

I said how nice it was of a lady at work to bring her father to our summer do, he turned out to be her partner of a good 30 years senior! :/                                                                                                                                                                             

I have so many and its all ears not engaging the mouth , saying yes when it should be no and thats with the hearing aids being used ! thank god my wife is very forgiving..lol                                                                                                                                                                              

Plenty of times!!! Im famous for it...I usually make an innocent remark that gets twisted!! Anyhow Im blonde too PMSL                                                                                                                                                                               

I answered the phone at work and told the caller that my boss was outside having a fag, turns out it was the MD from Cancer Research UK !!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                              

I like this thread lol. What about inappropriate things you’ve done? I was once in a crowded pub with an ex girlfriend when a fight started in the corner. I begin to think this is not worth getting into so I grab her hand and head for the door, But the hand feels podgy and doesn’t seem to want to come with me. I turn round and I’ve got this bloke by the hand and he’s looking daggers at me. She on the other hand is stood behind him waving and grinning like a gud un.

I told a woman once she looked old for her age,

what i meant to say u look good for ur age... OOpps
                                                                                                                                                                             

Frank that story should win an award!!!!