A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."                                                                                                                                                                              

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"                                                                                                                                                                              

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this bby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"                                                                                                                                                                              

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace - I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."                                                                                                                                                                             

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed... Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."                                                                                                                                                                             

A mortician was working late one nightwhen he had to examine the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private parts he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have something to show you you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"                                                                                                                                                                              

i am bored                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                                                                             

very good nakedangel lol                                                                                                                                                                             

You really need to be bored more often............ they were damn good hon                                                                                                                                                                             

mmmmmmmmmmmmm @??? u know who                                                                                                                                                                             

 Pity u didn't come up with these before hun they're great I could have put then in the carol book, wish i was like u when im board xxxxxxxxxxxx

You are Gwen......... when ANY woman is bored she is just like any other................. A right pain in the .......................                                                                                                                                                                                

ya dead................................                                                                                                                                                                             

ooer...........     Wasn't me... someone impersonated me... honest... would I lie about a thing like that....                                                                                                                                                                             

Yep............................   Where's the monkey?                                                                                                                                                                             

in the post pickie above di !!!!!!!!   hahahahahhahahah   only joking rube you dont look like a baboon !!!!!!!   nakedangel keep gettin bord cos while you bord were amused  very good hun                                                                                                                                                                              

Storm............ gonna declare war on you.........rofl                                                                                                                                                                               

yeah bring it on rube !!!!!!  what war paint,  war dance, war kie talkie,  war ren, war ts, war an peace, war rior..........                                                                                                                                                                             

actually more like......phwoarrrrrrrr!!!!!