Lets see how we measure up!
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have moral objection to beer.2. You own a £3,000 machine gun and £5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.3. You have more wives than teeth.4. You wipe your arse with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean'.5. You can't think of anything you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.6. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.7. You were amazed to discover that mobile phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.8. You've always had a crush on your neighbour's goat.