Ever owned a lemon? That bike you regretted buying within a month? If not, lucky you. If so, go ahead and tell us about it. Below, in reverse order, I’ve listed the five worse nightmares ever to come into my possession. Times have moved on, but I’ll still never purchase another Yamaha again.
5. Cotton Messenger. My one and only British bike. A 324 cc Gloucester-built two-stroke twin which had all the faults associated with the proprietary Villiers engines of the period. The only time it impressed me was when a mate managed to start it up and the throttle stuck open. The feeble brakes were no match for the bike’s trial gearing and he managed to demolish the double gates at the end of his drive.
4. Honda CB 250 RS. This may seem an odd choice, as most bikers look back fondly on this single with its claimed top speed of 90 mph, but the particular one I had was a reminder that Monday mornings occur in Japanese factories, too. It just wasn’t up to a daily commute between Wirral and Bootle, where I then worked. While the balancer shaft did a good enough job of preventing vibration, bits nevertheless kept falling off it, and the back wheel buckled as a result of exposure to Liverpool’s notorious roads. The last straw was when the kickstart waved farewell in the Kingsway Mersey Tunnel - a serious problem on a motorcycle without an electric boot.
When the RS was introduced to the UK, journalists predicted that it signalled the end of the CB 250N Superdream, but it didn’t happen that way. The RS was reported as being faster and more frugal than the twin - it was certainly lighter - but never came anywhere near outselling it.
3. Suzuki GS 400T. Nice-looking custom twin. Mine boiled batteries; nothing could stop it from doing so. The UMG was baffled as to why the machine had such dodgy electrics when the closely-related GS 400 roadster experienced no such problems.
2. Yamaha YDS-7. 250 cc two-stroke twin, immediate predecessor of the air-cooled RD 250. Unreliable as hell, it ate spark plugs with a vociferous appetite. A quirk of design meant the engine received no oil when ticking over. One of the plug caps melted on mine for no obvious reason. I once lost my rag with it so badly that I kicked it across an M6 slip road. It had its revenge though, as its unreliability cost me a girlfriend and a job.
1. Yamaha XS 500.
Hate, hate, hate. I thought that it would’ve been reasonable to expect that by 1977 the Japanese wouldn’t consider releasing a machine on which the valve seats persistently cracked. It was though Yamaha had decided to combine the worst features of British and Japanese bikes. Oil leaks, poor fuelling, terrible driveline lash, uneven power pulses from the crank and a balancer shaft that worked so well that the rack kept vibrating loose… the list goes on and on. Handling was below average and it spent a significant time under my ownership as the heaviest 250 single in the world.
Hate, hate, hate.