Later in the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment?A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.Q. Where will the government get this moneyA. From taxpayers.Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?A. Only a smidgen of it.Q. What is the purpose of this payment?A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?A. Shut up.Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka ...* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs...* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China ...* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ... * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ...* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1) Spending it at car boot sales, or 2) Going to night clubs, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Buying beer or whisky, or 5) Get yourself a Tattoo or 6) Visit a bookie. (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night! No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.                                                                                                                                                                             

Another great one Ragnar :-D                                                                                                                                                                              

Ohhhh Ragner, now that is bloomin ace !!!! And most of all, Correct.......,problem is im straight so a prostitute is out of the question for me im afraid, but the rest will do nicely, thank you....giggling my head off hear...x                                                                                                                                                                             

You could get yourself a male prostitute Jen xx                                                                                                                                                                             

Hmm forgot about that Ragner, now where can i find one lolol..xx